When Single Is Hard

I grew up in the church, surrounded by young and old couples. I thought to myself, one day… that will be me. Coming up on 23 and never having been in a relationship, sometimes it’s hard to see young couples in my church. It’s like a sore spot on a self inflicted wound. No one has done anything to me, that particular couple hasn’t done anything to me just watching them, have the thing I think I want, can hurt. Especially in ministry. In ministry it can feel like, “what am I doing with my life. Everyone is 23 and engaged poppin out babies every month. Yes, I know I’m working on my career and ministry but can we pause that so I can get a husband?”  I mean, at the end of the day I feel a little bit inadequate as a single woman in the church, like i’m missing out on some massively important characteristic of getting to know God. Which, just isn’t true. Marriage has its benefits. Of course! Two become one flesh, built in best friend (not in the bible- but cool perk) yada yada, great things! But what I think sometimes we miss, is that singleness has its benefits too. For some odd reason this morning I was listening to, 1st Corinthians and Paul was talking about how good it was to be single. And I’m sitting in my room at 2am (peak thirst hours- says one of my single friends. I try to miss that and go to sleep around 1 y’all. #ProTip) listening to Paul’s letter to the Church of Corinth in which he emphasizes how good it is to be single. As a matter of fact he says not in so many words… If you can stay single then do that. Paul suggests that singleness gives one the authority over oneself to devote one’s time to the Lord and not to need to cater to the needs of their spouse, which is commanded if you have a spouse. Look, see for yourselves. Also, read 1st Corinthians 7 in it’s entirety because Paul is a sassafrass.  

Anyway, 1st Corinthians 7: 32-35 says,

32 I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33 But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34 and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.”

To be single is to have the opportunity to devote one’s entire self to the Lord, and THAT is good news. For the past 8 or so years I’ve been maneuvering through singleness like it was some disease that I needed to be rid of, not thanking God for the blessing that it is. It’s easy to feel like the odd one out when you’re surrounded by married couples and skeptical church mothers but each season holds a blessing, and the blessing in the season of singleness is the opportunity for complete devotion to God!

It’s day 7 of 365 of intentional singleness and I’ve finally found the purpose. Found a way to focus when single is hard the purpose is not to fall more in love with my own dang self cause i’m a strong independant woman 🙂 ( Which I am.) , It’s not even to find comfort in being alone, it’s to grow in relationship with my savior. To get to deeply, personally, and intimately know the Lord. Not in the same way that a wife gets to know her husband but in a way that is even deeper than that beautiful bond, a way that Paul believed was deeply satisfying and deeply worth it.

So, Father, this is my prayer.

I believe that a deeply personal and intimate relationship with you is more than worth it, but God my flesh and faith fail on a regular basis and I find myself wrapped up in the same lust, sa me guilt, same game, same self doubt, same lack of confidence, same anger and just same afflictions. Lord I believe that you keep me, but help my unbelief. Please be with me and remove the distraction of my flesh. Thank you Lord for being faithful and pursuing me. Lord please reveal more of yourself to me in greater depth. I love you, thank you. Amenzies.


Over and out home skillz! Go forth in peace.





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